filling a void
I feel like I am missing something in my life. Last week after we visited the Emberas, I was on top of the world because of my awesome (temporary) tattoo. It made me realize that I really love body modification, but my love in life will conflict severely with my professional life. There are huge tears in my eyes right now just thinking about having to hide any future tattoos or piercings which I get in the future from potential employers and co-workers, and even from most of my relatives.I already get funny looks because I have three facial piercings and three tattoos. I just think it is stupid that I automatically get discredited because I am interested in decorating my body, for lack of a stronger term. I am not flighty just because I have tattoos; on the contrary, I am a person who is not afraid of a life-long commitment. I am not undependable just because I have piercings; as a matter of fact, I have helped more than one friend from hurting themselves or someone else because I said I would walk/drive to be there for them, and I was there for them.
I appreciate the fact that the majority of my closest friends support my desire to change the way my body looks. I am saddened by those who discredit me solely based on looks.
So now I have to make a choice: suppress my personality in the interest of my professional life, or take a chance of sabotaging my professional life before it even begins by expressing myself. I hate it. I hate it because I can already see the tattoos flowing beautifully up my arm. I hate it because I can already imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a person who looks different than everyone else, and loving the way that person looks. I hate it because the world is stupid, and I have to accept that.
I know I'm going to go to bed crying tonight.
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