It's getting hard to breathe...
3 months, 2 weeks, 2 days. That's how long it's been since my grandmother passed away. Last night I had this really... I don't know, this really strange dream. It shook me up. In my dream, I knew she was gone. I went through her old bedroom (old meaning what I remember when I was 7 or 8, not her apartment she lived in just before she died), and put on one of her shawls.I think it was a realization that lots of people in the family see my grandmother in me.
I need a good break. Everything has been rough since the spring. And I feel like it's been going downhill from there. I just want everything to work out. I want to work at Lane Bryant. I want to get an awesome co-op job. I want to have FUN while learning about Engineering. I want to ace all my classes, not just by using my ability to read, absorb, and recall; by STUDYING, hard and often. I want to lose weight. And not just to lose weight, but to get fit. I want to feel close to God.
People say that you have to take it one step at a time. Slow and steady, right? But it seems to be easier to just let everything slide, instead of working hard for what I believe in. I need to change how I am. I can't just sit on my butt anymore. I gotta work hard. Strike that. I gotta work HARD.
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