I'm scaring myself (really long post, y'all)
I keep trying not to worry about stuff that doesn't matter (getting an engineering job RIGHT FREAKING NOW, what I'm going to do about school next semester, my car, etc) and try to focus on things that are important (classes right now, my physical and mental health).Also, I tried to rescue a stray kitten from James' neighborhood... but that didn't work out. I think someone else may have rescued it first. That's okay, I guess. I'll still get a cat. Maybe call Dizzlert and see if the lady that gave her the kitten she has still has one left. Getting a black cat would be cool. :)
I kind of wish I had an entertainment stand. Even though my faithful readers are all like WTF THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT, it is! My current entertainment stand used to be the coffee table that I did homework on before I got my TV back. I can't use my computer desk because there's only room for the monitor on there (it's really small), and my for real table that I got from my parents doesn't have any chairs that fit it... my options are lawn chair, hot 70s chair, or standing. The chairs are too short, and standing would blow.
In other news... OMFG WHY AM I NOT TORRENTING ANIME ON MY DESKTOP SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WHILE HOMEWORKING? (I don't have cable, people... don't harass me unless you plan on paying for my cable TV subscription, okay?) Sorry, that wasn't really an "other news" thing, that was carry over from the last paragraph. Seriously, I can stream movies (or TV shows, which are in the same format) from the desktop to the Xbox and at least have something to watch while I'm sitting in the living room... rolling around on my floor which needs to be vacuumed like every 45 seconds because the carpet is new and hasn't had enough traffic to get rid of the little carpet pubes which torment all my friends who wear black or dark colors and sit on the floor.
Anyway, I think my serious "in other news" was going to be saying something to the effect of picking up crocheting again. I've got 2 pairs of slippers, a hat, and a blanket on the slate ATM. I totally have the yarn for it is the sad thing. However, I think I have to go to the store to pick up some more crocheting needles; they're probably buried in hidden projects which will never be completed or lost to the tornado that is my baby brother overtaking my old bedroom at my parents house.
Also, time to hit up VCF for some nice chairs that I can put around this table. Right now the table's being used as a cabinent for my random food (who knew that one person could have so many fruit cups?) but I'd like to do homework on it. Damnit, I need a job. SEE this is how I get myself all freaking worked up. Jane offered me this sweet real-wood chair that is in her garage, but I think it has handles... which means my larger-than-life ass will get stuck in it constantly.
I'm starting to become a little unscrewed. I know my poor, loving boyfriend has noticed it; more often than when I make jokes about it. I don't know how he puts up with my insanity, but I love him for it. (Everyone else who puts up with it has passed the 10-year mark, so they freaking know.) He asks me what's wrong, and 9 times out of 10, I shrug it off. I know I have a problem with my anxiety and my depression... I'm trying to keep myself on the right track, but at the same time, I'm ignoring some of the signs that sent me down this weird path in the first place. As if I dealt with it by myself the first time around... I certainly can't fight the same thing twice, alone no less. I keep saying "I'll go talk to someone tomorrow"... just like I keep saying I'm going to do my laundry tomorrow. Well, I've run out of options and clean clothes, so looks like it's going to be a busy day.
Also, I've started riding the bus. It takes an hour to get to school instead of 15-20 minutes, but I save on gas and the bus is free for students. I'm considering taking the bus at the same time every day (meaning get there and leave at the same times, even though my MWF class is in the AM and my TR class is in the PM). I don't walk quite as much (driving to school, I park about a half mile from campus and hoof it), but I can still walk more. Also, if I have a bunch of free time, I'm going to start making myself study and go to the gym. I can't try to hide from it anymore... eating better is great and all, but it's not everything. It's like quitting smoking but still hanging out with friends who wave cigarettes in front of your face and offer you a smoke even though you've quit. It's gotta be all at once or not at all! (Also, congrats to my mom on quitting smoking! I'm proud of her.)
Living alone is weird. I think it contributes to my mental unrest sometimes. Walking around in a state of dress that is improper for company is tons of fun, but I did that when I lived with Brett and Sparks (all 3 of us did, cause we're weirdo nerds). I know that listening to my blaring music in the evening and hearing my neighbors walk near the door makes me freak out. I think every little noise is a robber or a ninja or something.
OH I almost forgot to tell you about the best part of my life as of late. Remember when I went to Panama and was in the hospital for 3 days? (If you don't click the May 2008 link and go to the 19th-21st... that sounds about right, but you can probably figure it out by titles. I'm not going to permalink it at well-past-5 in the morning, bite me.) Well, when I came back to the US, I went to see my doctor (about the 2nd week in June). He looked at me and was like "Well, do you have the same symptoms as when you were in the hospital or related ones (meaning vomiting or nausea, etc)?" I said no and he was like, "Okay, cool! Bye!" I was fine with it... fast forward to a few weeks ago. Remember when I said fast food was making me nauseous? Well, it's not just fast food anymore. It's almost everything. Usually I'm okay at lunch time (Peanut butter and jalapeno chip sandwiches... still safe THANK YOU JESUS), but dinner is terrible... I usually feel like I have to get up in the middle of dinner and hover over the toilet. I can sip on water or stand up and walk around (if I'm at home or someone else's house) and it usually passes in a few minutes or so. I might not have shaken the gastroenteritis, I might have just shifted it from my colon to my belly. Back to the doctor, WHOOOO! I swear, if they try to take any more blood, I'm going to make those mofos PAY ME. IN CASH OR GOLD BRICKS. (I'd rather have the gold bricks, considering the economy.)
Okay, bedtime, I guess. 4-ish hours of sleep is alright for today.
Thanks for listening or reading or osmosis, or however it is you receive information from my site. I heart you.
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